So Wong and I were just hanging around the park the other night, having a few beers and working out a basic basketball hustle that we could pull on the local sixth graders. I was trying to convince him that dressing like a woman would inflate their egos… and our wallets when I caught Dave’s “what the cock is that” look pointed at the tennis court.
I turned and immediately picked up on the source of his worry. It was a woman. Dressed in a short, white tennis skirt. She was carrying a racket and a small bag of tennis balls under not one but two boobs. And she was headed right for the court.
“Great,” gayed Dave through his fatness. “We can’t even go to the damn park without them following us. Is there nowhere safe anymore?”
“I dunno,” I sexily said with my chiseled manface, “it could just be a regular chick out to get her tennis on.”
Dave sighed and it made his cheeks jiggle. “John, that tennis court hasn’t had a net in over twenty years. What kind of freak plays tennis alone without a net?”
“Dude, you’re just being paranoid. And also enormous. I know a lot about women, and what I’m looking at right now is 100% pure American hunch-flesh.”
Wong gave me a look like he was going to ask me to clarify something, but he must have decided against it.
“How much you want to bet,” he asked.
I pulled another beer from the pocket of my cutoff jean shorts and said, “If I’m right, you buy me a case of beer. Not shitty beer, either. The kind that when you puke, it doesn’t hurt your throat.”
“Done. And if I’m right, you do the website updates until I decide otherwise.”
We shook hands and strode over to the young woman and her boobs. She was setting down her equipment when I stepped up behind her.
“Hi,” I smiled and extended my hand. “I’m John.”
She smiled back and introduced herself as Sarah. I wasted no time in finding out whether she was human or not. I pulled out the most surefire ghost test I knew.
“So there’s a bathroom right over there. Wanna go whip around my dong?”
She stared at me in horror for a few seconds and then spat out, “Uh… no thank you. I’m just… no.”
I walked away, pulling Dave with me. “You win. She’s definitely not human.”
So as a man of my word, I’m doing the updates for a while. Here’s Episode 2 of my ghost video investigation… video.
Also, I totally ended up fucking that tennis chick.
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