Fuck yes! Suck it, The Man! As most of you know, our Facebook page was taken down about three or four weeks ago by the non-existent people in Facebook’s humanless Automated Page-Fucker 3000 program. After of course, I sent them a message demanding that they take down our current page and make it huge. Turns out it totally worked, and I am hereby officially claiming victory. I don’t remember what our last Facebook page looked like in terms of size, but I do know that our current one is absolutely gigantic, and that to me is sweet, sweet victory.
In other news, I’m getting close to finishing an experiment for my band, Three Arm Sally. I’m not sure how it will go over with our millions of rabid, devoted fans, but I’m trying it out anyway. When I finish it up, I’ll make a video, post that fucker on Youtube, and link it over here. And then you can all suck it. Suck my video. And while you’re at it, just for old time’s sake, don’t forget to re-suck this one:
In other, other news, I have a new article up on Cracked. I was going to title it “175 Pictures of my Cock,” but David said the servers couldn’t handle the traffic. So instead, it’s called “5 Terrifying Online Trends (Invented by News Media).” Also, keep your eyes open over there because Wong and I have an article coming up at some point that we wrote together. I can’t give you any more details than that, but when it comes out, we’ll link it on here and on our new, enormous Facebook page.
And since I keep bringing up Facebook, you see on the left side of our page where it says, “7708 People Like This”?
I’d give a lot to see that number reach 10,000. Actually, I’d prefer it to hit two to three billion. But I’d be happy with 10k. So if you know of any JDatE fans who aren’t yet a part of the Facebook Pagethingy, jam their head into their keyboard, being careful to land on the appropriate letters to spell out the address. Then slam it a couple of times on their mouse to make them click the “friend” button or the “like” button… or whatever button makes that number go up. I’m not good with computers. It would be a nice way to say “thank you” to Wong, since he’s been working his ass off on the sequel. And also because he said he’d buy me a case of beer if that ever reached five digits. Soooo close, now!
For those of you who have been waiting patiently for us to give you any tidbit of news we can on the sequel, understand that we can’t give you much. However, Wong was nice enough to give me an excerpt to pass along here. Consider it a small “thank you” from him for you guys following us this far and sticking with us before this thing got big. You guys are the reason this book got the attention in the first place, and we’re incredibly grateful for that. Even if you are all fat and gay. Here’s your stupid excerpt:
Transcript of a report taped by Action 5 Reporter Kathy Bortz, October 30th,
“Look behind me. Fire trucks. Police cars. Military Humvees. A large RV that
appears to be a mobile command center from the Center for Disease Control.
Numerous civilian vehicles. Behind them, a raging house fire. There is mass
confusion here, folks. We heard gunshots when we first arrived, we have been
told there are at least three bodies but that’s all we know. Personnel are-
what was that? Did you catch that, Steve? Back on me. Ready? Personnel are
swarming the scene. They’re trying to push back onlookers, as you can see
quite a crowd has gathered around. Information has been hard to come by but
what we know is that this is the same address where less than an hour ago
neighbors called in reports of a shouting, bloody, naked man carrying what
appeared to be- what’s that? Steve? No, there’s something on my- AH!
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! STEVE! AAAAAAHHHHHEEEEEEIIIIIII!!! STEEEEVE! GET IT-
GET IT OFF ME AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
If you don’t have John Dies at the End, you can get it here.
Otherwise, find Dave on: