Everything you need to know about the universe, you can learn from this picture of Captain Kirk holding a rock shaped like a boner.
That picture is a tunnel your mind can climb through. What’s at the other end? No man has gotten that far with his sanity intact.
My name is David Wong, by the way. Hi.
I wrote a book. It’s kind of a big deal, I guess. They’re turning it into a movie. It’s a book about the supernatural that contains the word “bratwurst” 17 times.
It was called John Dies at the End and it first appeared online a few years ago. Word of mouth turned it into the stuff of minor internet legend. Later we printed up 5,000 copies, but don’t bother looking for them, they were sucked off the shelves pretty quickly.
Some copies pop up on ebay here and there going for fairly outrageous sums. Don’t pay it, it’ll be back not too many months from now.
Oh, and the book may have killed a dude. More on that in a moment.
Testing. Testing. Can you read this? No? Good.
But back to Captain Kirk and his cock-shaped stalagtite. It’s not really shaped like a cock, of course, your mind just projects cock onto a random formation of mineral deposits. Understanding why will change the way you look at the universe.
For instance, let’s look at this “ghost” photo somebody sent. You write a book like mine, you get lots and lots of stuff like this in your inbox.
As an expert in these matters, I think this is pretty solid evidence that this person’s edition of Photoshop was haunted by a stock photo from a Halloween costume catalogue.
This is John, abusing my webmaster powers
Retarded? Yes. But is it any moreso than all of the other ghost photos in the world, all of which portray some translucent woman in a gown or a dude wearing old-timey clothes, aimlessly wandering the halls of a library?
Also, I am drunk.
If, hypothetically, your soul or life force or whatever had the ability to live on and wander around haunting shit after you’ve died, why the hell would it wear clothes? Who chooses what outfit you have to wear for eternity? Is it whatever you were wearing when you died? Why aren’t there more ghosts wearing hospital gowns?
No, they appear as we think they should appear. The ghosts are just more cock-shaped stalagtites.
Stalagmites?
Now, let’s take it further, right to the top. Here’s a portrait of God from the Sistine Chapel ceiling.
Why does God need eyelids?
And why did he give Adam such a tiny dick?
Can God get dust in His eyes? Does God need to block the sunlight from his pupils? You know, the sunlight that didn’t exist until He invented it? Now I’m not saying there’s no God. I’m just saying he doesn’t have fucking eyelids.
We put those on Him.
It’s obvious, but important. Because once you recognize it you can apply it to everything. And I mean everything. We perceive all of existence through the same blurry goggles that put an oversized cock in Captain Kirk’s hands up there. We are built to stare into the unfathomable darkness, and project onto it a shape we can understand.
This whole thing is Dave’s roundabout pitch for Scientology.
Stories and legends and myths aren’t made up by people who want to dress up boring everyday life with their imaginations. They’re created to do the opposite, using imagination to dress up the unimaginable. It’s like wallpapering a window.
To hide the horror outside.
Here’s a great example. This is an old warehouse South of town. You can’t really make it out from this picture, but people around town claim they can see a face in the ivy, a pattern formed by the yellowing leaves.
Of course it’s just their imagination, but beyond the supposed “face” we have some amazing things, including photosynthesis and the miracle of life itself. Behind it, an 80 year-old building with a rich history (it was once a factory that made small electric motors for dildos).
A booming business during WW2.
So there are amazing things at play there, many beyond the bounds of your imagination. It doesn’t reduce the wonder of the universe even one iota to know that, upon closer examination, the ivy shows nothing more than the random yellowing of the leaves.
So, about that dude my book supposedly killed.
I got this email:
dear david: my brother [name withheld] was your biggest fan he bought your book the day it came out! he used to walk around quoting it all the time he would say “THE SHADOWS ARE HUNGRY! FOR BRATWURST! LET’S GET SOME SOY SAUCE!” then he’d laugh until everyone else left the room.
he was always the quiet type he liked to read and didnt talk much. he used to write poetry and he liked to work with children (I’ve attached his picture below) anyway he’s dead nowhe said the book turned on him that he read it one too many times and said that there are words between the words or maybe he said there are worms between the words anyway he said he was going to get rid of the book and that he was going to burn it
my aunt found him the next day his trailer had burned to the ground and I think he tried to burn the book and burned down the house instead they found the book and it was completely unburnt
so Im not saying its your fault but he might haunt you so i wanted you to know. Im sure hes not the type because he was a man of peace and didnt bother anybody but still hes probably pretty mad
rip [name withheld]
Man, I don’t even know where to start with that. My book was and will be sold in the fiction section of the book store. Yes, I understand that it’s told in the first person, and that the main character is named “David Wong” and that “David Wong” is also on the cover, as if it’s some kind of autobiography.
And yes, I understand that some documents have turned up online, which if real, would be hugely illegal.
Paste this into your browser: http://johndiesattheend.com/new/photos/johnghost1.jpg
And, yes, some of the Amazon reviewers were claiming their copy of the book oozed blood or baby shit.
They were speaking metaphorically, Dave.
Well I want to devote this space to clearing up some of the ugly rumors over the next few months, and to look a little deeper into the truth behind them. The book is getting a worldwide re-release next year, and it’s pretty important to me that people aren’t out there claiming it’s going to be some kind of seventh sign of the apocalypse. I think that would cause a lot of chains to refuse to carry it.
Want to be informed when that happens? Sign up to our Google group below. It’s free and takes like five seconds.
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Or, you can keep up with the latest news over at the JDatE MySpace.
Or, you can talk to me and other fans at the JDatE message boards over at Cracked.com).
In the mean time, I’ve left the comments open. What I’d like is for those of you who own a copy or have read the book online to assure everyone else that in fact no harm came to you and the book was not possessed in any way.
If you wish to complain or inquire about the fact that the book itself is no longer available for free online, please read this first.
I am nude.
-DW
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October 31st, 2008 at 7:24 pm
David, I started reading your book, but when I got to the third chapter, all that was on the page was the word, “communist shitstorm” and a picture of my parents.
October 31st, 2008 at 7:51 pm
The first time I read the lyrics to Gay Superman in the book, all of a sudden they replaced the lyrics to Born to Run on the radio. And then it suddenly stopped and all I could hear was this really quiet whispering. When I went to turn up the volume, Bruce was back. My wife says she didn’t hear it, but I swear it happened.
October 31st, 2008 at 8:37 pm
David, I thought your site had some kind of privacy policy. So why have all of these people been calling my house ever since I read the book online, demanding that I “prepare for the coming storm” and telling me exactly how large my penis is as voices giggle in the background?
Actually, come to think of it, I don’t know how you would have been able to sell them my phone number, since I didn’t give it to you.
That’s kind of weird, huh?
October 31st, 2008 at 8:43 pm
One of [Name Withheld]‘s guitar is from Guitar Hero. That somehow makes the whole thing that much more tragic.
October 31st, 2008 at 11:55 pm
I don’t know about words between words, but I do know that when I’ve gone back to re-read your book, certain phrases or even whole passages have gone missing. Then when I try to remember what it said, I realize the words/memory of it is fuzzy in my mind.
November 1st, 2008 at 12:03 am
Having read the attached link, I can now complain in the most informed way possible. I found out about JDAYE like ONE DAY after it got taken down. Thanks to the wonders of Google Cache, I read the first chapter, which gave me an mental erection and earning for more, and two chapters before I realized Google Cache was fickle bitch and wouldn’t let me read more. Now I am filled with unattainable desire, and a mental erection that has lasted over the recommended time, and forced to live, a hollow shell of myself. Damn you!
November 1st, 2008 at 12:12 am
It’s crazy, my mind keeps telling me that I see a man pointing in the ivy. And he looks just like Prince.
It’s blowing my mind, man. Completely f***ing blown away.
November 1st, 2008 at 12:19 am
I must concur, Sawyer…
November 1st, 2008 at 12:24 am
I have nothing of value to contribute.
November 1st, 2008 at 12:25 am
Granted your work is pure fiction… But to be honest… Id prefer that to real life… You come up with too many good points than can be ignored and I would love immensly to help in some way to the movie… Clearly you wont let me, methinks… But thought i’d offer y’know… Keep up the fucking awesome work my man
Im getting everyone to read your book btw…
November 1st, 2008 at 12:29 am
I heard about that guy who died. I thought was bullshit. Huh.
November 1st, 2008 at 12:42 am
I was just in the middle of reading this story last night, September, 31. I fell asleep as I was beginning the part when Dave loses track of time in the snowstorm. I just woke up and it was still dark. My anus hurts, what happened?
November 1st, 2008 at 12:45 am
I woke up to a barely-audible but completely intrusive sound. I turned and looked at my clock: 4:15. AM. As in, when normal non-rapist people should be sleeping. Annoyed, I turn to the other side, looking around to see what woke me up. I turn to stare straight into the large, black eyes of a bald, clean-shaven man in a spandex jumpsuit. He’s grinning widely, a smile that just screamed “serial goat-molester”, if you know what I mean. But that was Ernie. He was there every night, outside my window. Sometimes I left scraps out for him, but he was still too shy to eat from my hand.
No, what had woken up was the sound of heavy breathing, coming from behind me. I turned around and look across the room. I blinked, rubbed my eyes, and looked again. Yep. There was a twelve-foot tall hairy beast crouched down in my room. And its hands and feet were aflame, which was a nice touch, especially with the shiny black horns sprouting from it’s forehead, they really caught the firelight. It stared at me with five catlike eyes and yelled, in a voice the bastard child of Beelzebub and Patrick Steward might have, “EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WROOOONG!” Moments later it began coughing, then hacking, then vomiting. Vomiting hundreds of little hopping green-and-black things. I realized they were treefrogs. Treefrogs wearing little pinstripe suits.
Soon the treefrogs were covering my floor, and the beast kept going. After a minute, appearing to be pleased with the croaking, slimy mess he’s made all over my living space, the creature let out a long howl. Outside, by my window, Ernie’s grin vanished from his face, and he ran into the underbrush on all fours, seeking a place to hide.
Back in my amphibian-covered room, the frogs began jumping, concentrating into a single spot on the floor, creating some kind of giant squirming, croaking ball of slime and formalwear. Soon, they had taken the shape of a bathtub. The beast stood up slowly and stepped into this tub. It pointed at me and then gestured for me to join it. It, being a twelve-foot-tall flaming hairy hellbeast, I quickly did as it said. The frogs squeaked and slid underfoot. The beast barked something in it’s demon language and a thousand frogs rose up from the middle of the tub to form the shape of a sail. The beast aid something again, and with a lurch, we shot foreward, through my window, into the night sky. From then on we sailed across the globe in our frogboat, seeing everything to be seen on the earth, and after we had finished, we sailed away to the stars, to see the universe.
Shortly after the beast killed and ate me, and to this day uses my skull as a coffee mug. This is more or less the feeling I get when I read John Dies at the End. It’s a disturbing yet completely amazing book, one of my favorites. Can’t wait to see it on the shelves of my local bookstore, I hope the movie doesn’t suck.
November 1st, 2008 at 12:46 am
haha, did anyone else find the “invisible” writing?
November 1st, 2008 at 1:01 am
By the way, I’ve got this set so that I have to manually approve every FIRST comment somebody makes. So once you’ve had a comment approved you can post in real time, but until then it may take a few hours for your post to show up because I’m manually making sure you’re not a spammer.
November 1st, 2008 at 1:05 am
I hope my painfully long comment doesn’t get approved, for the sheer irony of it all.
November 1st, 2008 at 1:08 am
Dear Mr. David Wong,
My bowel movements come in strange hues which do not typically occur in nature and emit an unspeakably foul, lingering odor. By the standards of bowel movements.
I mention this because my body began to expel these unnatural packets of feces shortly after I read your book. This may be just a coincidence, I may be suffering some unspeakable disease, possibly bowel cancer. Pretty convenient coincidence though, considering.
Anyway, the rancid smell of my feces leaked into the apartment upstairs and they called the building super. He came to inspect the bathroom. The door slammed shut after he entered and he hasn’t emerged since.
That was three months ago.
I’ve been shitting in the kitchen sink as I’m now afraid to open the door, assuming that would even be possible.
I’m surprised the disappearance of my building’s superintendent hasn’t elicited any response from the building’s owner or the authorities. Or his friends or family if he has any. I do get weird looks from my neighbors when I pass them in the hall, but that’s nothing new.
Also, when I’m not watching it, my television breathes. Standing in the next room, in the dark, I can hear it. I stand there very quietly, in case it might hear me.
I donated my copy of your book to the local Goodwill and it turned up on my doorstep a week later with a note that read only, “Fuck you.” There was blood on it. The note I mean, not the book. The book was surprisingly clean, not counting the food stains that were my contribution to its contents.
I blame none of this on the book obviously, it’s all fiction. Still, weird huh?
November 1st, 2008 at 1:19 am
I found the invisible writing, but because I was told about it, I don’t feel like I achieved anything. Such is life. It made me laugh, though. But how did msmarmalade find it? This question will haunt my dreams.
November 1st, 2008 at 1:38 am
Just found chub06.jpg and I’m done looking for shit.
November 1st, 2008 at 1:44 am
The invisible writing in the book? It starts showing itself to you as you read. I figured it was just some kind of optical illusion that was obvious to everybody.
November 1st, 2008 at 2:11 am
November 1st, 2008 at 2:42 am
I, for one, have had a positive side effect from reading your book. Not even three hours after I finished reading it, my penis grew to 7 1/2 feet long. I have, to date, killed fourteen women through just the shock of revealing my swollen manhood to them, and have started down a lucrative career with a demolition company. Smashing down buildings with my dick. I owe you everything, David Wong.
November 1st, 2008 at 2:50 am
Oh, thanks, Zen. Thanks a whole f***ing lot. I did not need to see that right before I went to bed.
November 1st, 2008 at 4:02 am
Does this censor words? Testing: Tickle my fucking fuck-cock. Butthole.
Edit: It doesn’t. I think Sawyer is just gay. Gay people don’t curse online.
November 1st, 2008 at 8:13 am
omg dave!!! Congats on the new publisher, I love the book i bought it twice (back when you did it on cafe press and the other one) its one of my fave books. Seriously I gave it to my g/f to read and she said it was dumb but then she couldn’t sleep for a fewe nights and had to go on medication. 1 night she said: ‘change is coming to deadworld,soon the agents of change will traverse these worlds oct 31 is the beginning, korrok is lord’. or some shit like that ha ha. I think she was talking in her sleep so the book must have had a real affect on her!! Anyway great site dave I love the invisible text thing cant wait to read more!
November 1st, 2008 at 10:22 am
After reading the book for the third time I had dinner, and then there was nothing, I didn’t know what to do and before I noticed I had nothing on me, in me, of me, for me. Nothing is coming for you, now or never, forever.
November 1st, 2008 at 11:16 am
Hey Dave, a few weeks ago I bought a copy of your book off of E-bay, buy now for only $.20 and free shipping in fact. It arrived two hours later and I shoved it onto my bookshelf , intent on reading it after Sex and the City was over. When I got back to it I found that it had rendered the Bible and the DnD fourth edition book that it was next to into smoking, heatless ash that smelled of sulfur and cat piss. I gathered the ash into a ziplock bag and put it in the fridge, the book I put in the garage. The next day I was awoken by an explosion to find the ash gone, replaced by a foot wide hole in the bottom of my fridge, the floor, then the basement, then went down I don’t know how far. I sent down a depth gauge but when I pulled it back it was on fire that reeked of pissy sulfur. Think it hit a magma pocket?
November 1st, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Shit man, the only thing I’ve noticed since reading John Dies at the End nine or ten times is that things don’t scare me as easily. Dark empty rooms are just like “whatever, where’s the fucking light.” Or maybe that’s just from watching Silent Hill — once you’ve seen a bitch’s skin torn off, a dark room is just child’s play man.
And do me a favor and put the book back up for like a day, I only got like half of that beast saved into Word, thereby cheating you out of $20 and driving you into bankruptcy. Well, really only like $10 since it’s only half. Oh, and half of the book is 600 kb — the biggest book I’ve written was like, 100. You are a literary God.
November 1st, 2008 at 2:12 pm
This is starting to drive me crazy now! I’m trying to remember the missing passages. Something about a mental patient and a badger or something. And another where John pours a bucket of gatorade over Robert North and slaps him on the butt after they… after they… I can’t remember!
November 1st, 2008 at 3:00 pm
My mom and your mom were hanging up clothes naked on drugs.
Saggy lesbians aside, I read your book and would like to re-assure everyone that reading your book caused nothing weird to happen.
Books don’t cause weird things to happen.
Weird things cause weird things to happen.
Well, and people. People make weird things happen sometimes. But then it’s not so much weird things so much as naked things.
And now we’re back to our saggy heroin-addled lesbian mothers.
November 1st, 2008 at 3:30 pm
After reading the story online and again through the book… i’ve come to one conclusion…
I am your slave
November 1st, 2008 at 5:09 pm
One time a homeless man broke into and bled all over my car. He destroyed lesser books, like one’s written by Ken Wilbur. Wong’s book survived, and I suspect, was the reason he was bleeding.
November 1st, 2008 at 9:49 pm
All I have to say is the first time I read JDatE, my eyes literally bled a little bit. But that was because it was on the internet and I read it over 2 straight days. The book itself, though, is only cursed in that I can’t get it back from my friends after I loaned it out to them. They may have been possessed: I need to check Ryan’s toolshed…
November 2nd, 2008 at 12:36 am
OMG that picture in the leaves is Prince!
November 2nd, 2008 at 12:37 am
Or the Artist formerly known as Prince, as the case may be. . .
November 2nd, 2008 at 12:48 am
I don’t see the book back up, Wong.
I expect RESULTS when I make LUDICROUS DEMANDS after having FAIR WARNING ABOUT WHAT WAS TO COME and then being too much of a LAZY THUNDERCUNT to DO WHAT HAD TO BE DONE.
God damn man.
November 2nd, 2008 at 1:13 am
I’ve noticed, as I’m sure has been mentioned before, that the face in the ivy on the side of the building looks a lot like Prince. I’ve also noticed that Mr. Wong’s profile pic on Cracked.com strikes a resemblance to The Artist Formerly Known As as well. Something you want to share with us?
November 2nd, 2008 at 1:25 am
david, i dont have a lot of time. this is theonly way i can contact you, i cant explain why right now. im on the run david, they found me. i dont know how but they did. came in through the sink drain. how did we forget about the goddamn fucking sink drain? i though this house was supposed to be secure. three of us live. me, TheDame and PissPot. you know where we are headed, meet us there. i have to go, they are right on our heels. come prepared to fight. ill contact you agajusa
November 2nd, 2008 at 1:57 am
I was reading this book online a few years ago and I was masturbating furiously. It was then that I noticed I had a weird lump on my left nut. I had it checked out by the doctor and it turns out it was the early stages of testicular cancer. If I hadn’t caught it as early as I had, it could have ended my life. Your book saved my life David Wong!!
November 2nd, 2008 at 9:28 am
A good friend of mine – whom I gave a copy of the book for his birthday – keeps intermittantly insisting that I “Call home on the bonerphone”. He insists that it’s a reference to JDatE, but I’ve read the book a dozen times and I can’t find it anywayere.
I don’t think it’s even in the book.
Seriously, maybe an early copy or something? Everyone I know agrees with me. Really, It’s starting to freak me out a bit. Verity, another friend of mine did a word search on a .doc copy and couldn’t find it. Even looking for similar phrases didn’t help.
Keep on writing, anyhow David. Or, you know, restart writing if you’ve stopped. Really, I’m sure i’m not the only one eagerly awaiting a sequel. Right now I’m sure there are a hundred, maybe a thousand people at least thinking the same think. Otherwise why else would we be flooding this comments page with gratuitous fan-boy praise? Know what I mean?
best of luck!
November 2nd, 2008 at 11:25 am
Wait, what’s this “invisible writing” thing? I feel left out.
November 2nd, 2008 at 12:05 pm
The “invisible writing” is writing that is invisible, thus unable to be seen, thus a joke. Hahahah!
November 2nd, 2008 at 3:03 pm
After reading your book, I came to a grand realization:
Everything can be a cock.
November 2nd, 2008 at 3:48 pm
I don’t understand. This was in the spirituality section of my bookstore so I tried out some of the positions in the hidden diagrams but instead of orgasming with chi I just became more gay.
No hard feelings, though. Best of luck with everything in your future, Mr. Wong.
November 2nd, 2008 at 9:09 pm
While reading your book for the third time straight through, my dog peed on the floor. Then my friend’s dog started barking and mine did too, down the hall, for no reason. My friend’s dog is retarded and mine not potty trained yet so thats probably a coincidence, right? Just like that large shadow the flew over my house. Just a coincidence.
November 3rd, 2008 at 12:02 am
Hey man, I’m so happy for your success. I’ll definitely be picking up the new book when it comes out.
November 3rd, 2008 at 12:03 am
i luv jdate <3. its scary
but funny 
too =^.^=
November 3rd, 2008 at 12:04 am
The thing that happened to that dude who died suuuuucks. My copy seems fine though.
November 3rd, 2008 at 12:05 am
DUDE!!! PRINCE IS AWESOME! rocKE ouT MAN!
November 3rd, 2008 at 12:06 am
dont worry, wong! i havent noticed anything creepy happening with my copy. Everyone go buy 50 copyes when it comes out lol!!
November 3rd, 2008 at 12:07 am
I hope one day I can be as good a writer as you. You’ve given me a lot of inspiration. Thanks so much!
November 3rd, 2008 at 2:17 am
hay Dave remember I told you a few days ago about my g/f (gave her your book…) haha she still can’t sleep! I think you f*cked her up bad, its kind of funny but not really. ANyway I told her to go see a doctor but she doesn’t seem to listen to me much anymore just kind of looks at me with a sort of absent expression all the time. She’s not eating much either. I’m sure she’ll get over it soon but damn Dave!!! What have you done to her?? haha.
I’ve been giving jdate to some of my other friends/family just to see what they think. One of my friends said it sucked but i defended you, I’ve got your back bro.
November 3rd, 2008 at 5:46 am
I lent my copy of JDatE to a friend of mine three weeks ago. He finished it in one sitting. I haven’t heard from him since. I phoned his house and his mom didn’t know who I once. She is adamant that she’s never had a child and doesn’t know what I’m talking about.
My phone bill arrived yesterday. There is no record of that call at all. Is there anyeone I can talk to? I need to get my hands on that book and burn it.
November 3rd, 2008 at 11:23 am
David, just the other day I was approached by a guy who doesn’t exist. How I found out he wasn’t real is a long story, but he was telling me about these creatures that don’t exist, that sometimes hide in creepy old ladies’ dead bodies and how they’re trying to widen some gateway in a town I’ve never heard of. There’s this guy trapped in a book, or maybe he is the book, I’m not sure, whose dead girlfriend beat me up one night (I got one good smack in, though)–but the dude in the book told me how there’s no hope to stop these guys and that the best we can possibly do is trip the first few who make it through and somehow prevent all life from being completely overrun. I keep getting phone calls from some woman telling me I’m gonna get a good deal and for whatever reason I’ve become obsessed with this miracle kid in the hospital they keep showing on the news. He has like EVERY disease but somehow he keeps on ticking. I feel like I know him, but when I tried to think from where I realized I can’t remember anything before last week. So my question is, do you think that woman on the phone was right?
November 3rd, 2008 at 7:51 pm
I’d like to be able to assure you there’s nothing wrong with your book, that it’s just a book, that the pages are just pages and nothing changes while you’re away from it. I’d like to tell you these things, David, but I can’t lie.
I have your book secured inside a safety deposit box. It used to sit on a shelf in my house, innocuous as any other book. It used to. Then I started noticing some odd things about it. The day after I finished reading it, the title suddenly changed to “Massive Robot Genitalia” and the photograph on the front was a rather disturbing photograph of Chloris Leachman.
Upon leaving the room and then returning, I found that the title and photo had returned to the way they were when I first purchased your book. However, upon opening it, I discovered that it was not your novel at all, but ‘A Modest Proposal’.
For those of you unaware, that’s the one about how we should all eat irish babies. Yeah. Fun.
I should also mention the massive papercuts I’ve been getting on my eyeballs just from looking at your book.
November 4th, 2008 at 2:15 am
I have just realized that the book is also a cock.
November 4th, 2008 at 6:32 am
A friend of mine bought the book a while back, and lent it to his cousin. I was the one that got him on JDATE back when it was online, and then he bought the book before they became more expensive then open heart surgery.
Well, he knows that I liked the book, and he knew that I’d wanted to borrow it. Yet he gave it to his cousin first, and then afterwards kept denying it to me. I wanted another friend to read it, and I wanted to read it through again. That would’ve been my Third time through,but he wouldn’t let me. Now he won’t return my calls and just completly ignores me. I’ve messeged his myspace but can’t get ahold of him. I haven’t seen his cousin either. Dave, I think he saved my life.
November 4th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Since reading your book I’ve been noticing a lot of strange stuff. Ever start to do something and then stop yourself, realizing you have no idea of what you were about to do? I was sitting in a coney island, eating, and I saw this guy in an animated conversation with himself. I counted at least five people he was talking to–not that I saw them, but he addressed each one separately–two of them he argued with, two of them he laughed with, and the last one he just put his chin on his hands on the table and just listened, it seemed. I got so engrossed I just watched him, eating my coneys on auto-pilot. When he got up to go, I got up too. He walked out the door, holding it so a few of them could walk ahead (I think two stayed at the table) and I walked out behind him. I realized I was following him to the parking lot even though my car was over at this auto shop a block over when I stopped myself. It was a silly thing to do. I was about to turn and head back to Tuffy when he said goodbye, through the window of the car next to his, hopped in and drove off and I’ll be damned if that little blue car didn’t start up and drive off with nobody in it. Could you give me a guess as to what I would have done if I hadn’t stopped myself?
November 4th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
November 4th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
It’s an apple.
Wait…it doesn’t have a stem!
FUCK!
November 5th, 2008 at 12:53 am
I swear to god, I read the entire book in one sitting, at my computer. I hate reading at my computer. Took all damn night, slept about 7 am. Next night I started on the sequel. I have to be honest, I was happy it was daylight when I went to bed. I think absorbing the entire fucking thing in one sitting was bad for me.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:53 am
I loved the book, and I’m glad I got in on buying it before they got scarce.
I’m also a bit disappointed that nothing weird seems to be happening to me. Might be related my being Autistic, though I somehow doubt that.
In any case, I can’t wait for the movie, as well as the sequel book.
November 5th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
It’s not an apple, it’s a cock.
November 5th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Wong! Hiya! Omg, rly, evry single one nuvus sinceerly admir litachur end storeez so ofcorse new knolidge of readingmaterial rox0rs our kosmos, so JDATEwe unanimously slavered through in constant euphoria. We’re impatiently, laudably, longingly crying out now, questioning unfinity’s enigmatic recesses; sequel timekilling obviously plagues the hell intous, severely gouging at my eyes.
Paranoid Insanity!
Ciao; and I’ll remain online indefinitely, limited.
November 5th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Dali, you should see a penis doctor. For your apple-shaped penis.
November 5th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
“I don’t know you.” That was what I said to the guy standing in the hallway to my apartment. I figured it was kind of pointless to get all mad and start kicking him in the balls. I mean, he had the drop on me and could have killed or raped me had he wanted. But that was all I said to him when he said my name. We stood there for like a really long 20 seconds staring at each other. I raised my hand to the light switch and he matched my movement. It was really scary before he turned and walked away. I flicked on the light switch and stared at my floor mirror sans my reflection. I didn’t put my mirror there.
November 5th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Y’know what I wanna hear? All those songs that ‘they’ kept swapped the lyrics for… That would be fucking hilarious… Coz then I’d fuck ‘them’ over and simply copy the lyrics and claim them as mine! Hilarity ensues! Coz lets face it, the ones David wrote were fucking hilarious…
November 5th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
This was on my computer when I woke up:
http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo97/CryogenicsLaboratoryInstitution/ROKKOR/VitalMessage.jpg
November 5th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
So, after reading your book I foolishly quoted it in my voicemail. So anytime someone gave my cell a ring and I, in a fit of rage, ignored the call they would get a thirty second monologue about how “They” were out to get me finishing with “Don’t forget tomorrow’s the day we kill the President,” which I, like John, intended to mean “Pick me up some smokes.”
The federal government was not amused. One day in early April I got a call from a man who claimed he was a Secret Service Agent. Naturally, I thought he was full of shit or delusional. I was wrong. At approximately 9:30 the next morning a hammering came on the door to my dorm room. I angrily crawled away from whatever wench was sleeping next to me and threw open the door.
To my bewilderment, there stood the Dean of Students, the Head of Security and a 6’7 man in a four piece suit. He was, you guessed it, from the Secret Service. After a two-hour interveiw that included searching my room and vehicle and taking the personal information of everyone in my immediate family as well as threats of up to five years in federal prison for violating the First Amendment, my new friend left.
True story.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Shit, entirepost ripped. vexing, irritating… cutting ends…
I’m SO high onshit now… overme, rly…
November 6th, 2008 at 12:52 am
All righty, good pa ls and y ellow retrievers… ready, everyone?
…I CAN HAZ WEBSYT IN PROFILE!! egads! omg, utmost titillation.
Before entering, go indoors. Neuter+ sterilize.
November 6th, 2008 at 12:57 am
Dude, does John have webmaster powers? Because I found some black text hidden on the black. If so, how does John know ancient Sumerian?
November 6th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Er. Hello everyone.
Please excuse my earlier behavior. I was at a… party… with some “friends” and I strongly suspect that some of them took advantage of my intoxicated state to create this “Scatsack” persona with my BlackBerry email account.
I had actually never heard of this book until just now, but it turns out that one of my friends is quite a fan, so… yeah, not much else to say. I don’t really remember much of what happened last night but I think it’s safe to assume that I don’t want to remember.
Again, sorry if I caused any confusion. I’m going to try to avoid social gatherings of that nature from now on.
November 6th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Might be a good idea Scatsack. You didn’t end up with any tatoos, did you?
November 6th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Hey, Dave, i gotta say my g/f is starting to freak me out! I gave her a copy of you’re book & she hasnt been able to sleep since then which is fine, but now she just wanders around the house pondering the meaninglesness of life. i told her it was just a book but now she yells at me and cries and tells me the korrok will take over the world and its like she thinks the book is real or somthing it is strarting to freak me out a little heh. how can i tell her tghe book is not real? Its cool that she likes your book so much but dude, it seems like she really is scared and now its more than a joke I just want my g/f back has this ever ha[ppened to you? Actually I’m starting to have nightmares myselrf and some of my friends who I have given the book are having nightmares. I gotta say I’m a little scared lol but I know it’s just a book, can you tell me has any of your fans have nightmares? please reply dave!
November 6th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Did anyone else get this weird picture message on their phone?
http://i373.photobucket.com/albums/oo180/wearefood/KOOKRRO-1.jpg
November 6th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Wondering what’s real and what’s not real is hard enough without trying to figure out who’s actually the man sexy John Cheese signing in as other people to promote silliness, and which people are actually fans making up silliness, which people are actually crazy, and which people are the unfortunate victims of dark matter aka soy sauce.
And your mom.
November 6th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Everything is real. Embrace everything.
November 7th, 2008 at 2:16 am
I’ll embrace everything as real as soon as I get offered the blue and red pills by a smug guy in a leather suit. At which time I will gently put the red pill in said smug guy’s anus and fucking devour that blue pill.
Ninety percent of Americans believe in, to use a blanket term, the paranormal.
Ninety. Percent.
That means that the people who believe that everything that happens has a nice scientific physical explanation, that nothing that has happened, can happen, or will happen will be outside the limits of physics as they are currently understood by the academic community and John Q. Pubic at large, are the ABNORMAL ones.
That doesn’t mean we should believe our neighbor when he tells us there’s a shit monster crapping a turd sandwich in our garbage disposal and is doing so because a giant cock-shaped time bomb will destroy all of existence if it shits with it left cheek pulled slightly up – in OUR garbage disposal, nobody else’s – and that our neighbor knows this is so because a little blond girl kidnapped him for four and a half days and silently wrote out the whole plan in blood on the walls of his prison.
I guess what I’m saying is that seeing a woman disappear from the feet up in a movie theater once, rudely interrupting a hot date, doesn’t mean there are no genuinely crazy people with genuine delusions caused by genuine chemicals going genuinely haywire in a genuine brain genuinefish.
Truth is more important than entertainment.
That said, I want to have John Cheese’s babies and then sue for custody. Just kidding, I would just eat the babies.
November 7th, 2008 at 2:28 am
Wait, I take that back. Entertainment is equally as important as truth. Entertainment helps us cope with truth. My sincerest apologies.
November 7th, 2008 at 11:16 am
Well, I finally had something genuinely weird happen. I was about 9/10s done another book, and put it down near my copy of JDatE, just before going to sleep. That was yesterday.
Now I can’t find the other book at all, and I’m not sure what to think.
November 7th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Heh, “John Q. Pubic.”
November 7th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Entertainment also makes truth less boring and includes alot more explosions, Dawn.
November 7th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Other examples of holes in rational reality: Who among you drive vehicles with Overdrive? Park, Reverse, Neutral, Overdrive misspells porn.
November 7th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Hey guys. I’m all better now. Thanks for the support!
I decided to go ahead and read the book, too. Great stuff! I can see why it’s gotten such a huge fan base. So many lives, coming together in one little spot on teh Interwebz; there’s a LOT of potential to make big things happen in a place like this.
November 7th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Thanks Patterson, it makes me very excited that someone noticed the short and curlies in my rant.
Vohn_exel, I agree.
My math teacher in junior high school wore a sweater once with a picture of pumpkin pie on it. That was the day she was teaching us about pi. She was very excited about it.
My friend and I once told the seat kicker (so named because it always kicked the back of the passenger seat of her car) that it had a tiny penis. A plastic McDonald’s Pokemon ball then smacked the back of her head. We laughed at it. No further retaliations from the seat kicker to report.
November 7th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
I’m deeply confused about this.
I received a letter from my local emergency room a few weeks ago telling me some results came back abnormal and blah blah blah, and told me they set up an appointment for 11/11 at 8:30 in the morning. I requested that day and the next day off work, so now I have a four day weekend coming up for me, which rocks.
I just got another letter in the mail confirming my appointment for 11/13 at 1 PM. Slightly confused, but okay, I can just call them and verify which one is right, right? So I gathered both the first letter and the second letter today, got the phone, and realized both appointment times in both letters matched.
I CLEARLY remember seeing that little space given in that first typed letter, filled in with some secretary’s pen, reading 11/11, and then 8:30. I clearly remember being pissed at having to wake up so early.
And now it’s different.
“They” changed my appointment date and time, Cheese Wong.
November 7th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
DAVID WONG ARE YOU DOING THIOS TO ME ON PURPOSE i don’t know how you got my phone number but F*CKING STOP IT OKAY. I signed up here because I am a fan of your book is this how you treat your fans? I am having nightmares every night and I wake up by phone calls but just weird noises and music and shit on the line.
My g/f started bleeding from the eyes yesterday and I;m scared
November 8th, 2008 at 12:12 am
Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin’ alive.
November 8th, 2008 at 6:44 am
We may have a lead on a new case. A little kid, from what I understand. We don’t have all of the details yet, but we know that he’s an artist of some sort. Probably just a dead end, but hey, if it makes us money…
Also, I heard that some black dude named Osama or something like that won like Mayor of Illinois or some shit. That’s awesome. It’s about time we had a black person in politics.
November 8th, 2008 at 7:01 am
Maybe they thought you needed some sleep, Dawn, lol. And John…exactly what day do you beleive it to be? I think there were some rather grand political achievements you might have missed…
November 8th, 2008 at 9:21 am
badger badger badger badger badger badger
AH A SNAKE
badger badger badger badger badger badger
November 8th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
It’s really hard to work here when I have that pi song stuck in my head. Who the hell sings that so I can buy it and play it and scrub the inside of my skull clean of its infectious nature?
November 8th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Hard n’ Phirm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mfr7xG6smhU&feature=related
November 8th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Where did you hear it?
November 8th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
“And John…exactly what day do you beleive it to be?”
November 8, 2008.
November 8th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Thanks, Redwalker. I heard it when I didn’t call a number that doesn’t exist in southern Illinois (which, oddly enough, does exist) and got imaginary voice mail.
Crap, listening to it again doesn’t scrub it away, it makes it breed.
Black holes arise, apparently, everywhere you look for them.
Like here.
Just in case you’re wondering, yes. That is in fact a jettison from a black hole.
November 8th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Have you seen the Death Star universe, Dawn? It’s quite interesting as well, if you’re into stuff like the black hole puking up there.
November 8th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Red, how you get an avatar in this thing?
November 8th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
You mean like Star Wars? Well, no, not really. I mean, I like the movies. I just don’t love the movies like I love other movies. You ever see the one where the dude puts a drill into his skull at the end? But I do like space stuff. I have a framed print of the Sombrero Galaxy. Because I like my outer space to be Mexican. Anyway, that’s not puke, that’s dick cheese. A few hundred million or so light years worth of thick and creamy dick cheese.
At least that’s what I see. Do you see vomit?
November 9th, 2008 at 12:46 am
No there really is a “Death Star galaxy” called that because it reminds people of Star Wars. And no, I believe I missed the one where the guy puts a drill to his skull at the end, seems kinda anticlimatic. I mean I figure they’d use a electrodrill made of Phrik or something.
And techincally thats the universe vomiting
November 9th, 2008 at 1:43 am
Oh my God you guys, John is clearly speaking to us from the past through some sort of time warp. He doesn’t even realize it’s November 9th already!
November 9th, 2008 at 3:59 am
Jeff,
648s4 445 15C94 477r486 pP3.
Sorry for the code. This is the only way I know how to contact you. You won’t understand that jumble of numbers and letters yet, but you will. Copy it and keep it in a safe place. It will make sense.
November 9th, 2008 at 5:49 am
ok david im sorry of accusing you of calling me up, i got the police to trase the calls and it turns out it was my g/f lol. even though I don’t know how, because sometimes it is a mans voice who calls me and I dont know who that is. But srsly she’s gone really nuts or something and I’m pretty sure its your book. They took her to hospital and I’m not allowed to see her.
I’m sad because I really love her david and I don’t know if you know what love is like because I do,m and I want to see her better again and i want you to know that if THIS IS YOU’RE FAULT I AM VERY UPSET and I hope you will cut it out please.really this is serious ok.
Another one of my friends who read your book his name is Kevin and he’s been really depressed and cries a lot too. I have thrown your book in the trash david and I AM SORRY BUT I AM STILL GETTING NIGHTMARES and I think your book is cursed or something I know thats stupid but its true.
I will not be coming here any more or buying youre new book david.goodbye…
November 9th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I had an original Cafepress edition of JDatE. My girlfriend at the time couldn’t get on the internet long enough to read it for free, so I mailed her my copy. Then her dog ate it. Several months later I broke up with her. She was a real bitch though, so I’m not sure if JDatE was a force of justice or a force of evil there. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference. Anyway my Permuted Press copy just leaks blood and makes my cats fart. Nothing abnormal there.
November 9th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Apparently the Death Star galaxy and the picture I linked to are one and the same. But that’s what happens when you Google image search for “black hole penis”, which also pulls up an image of George W. Bush eating a kitten.
WongFan37, all your base are belong to us. Accept Jesus as your personal savior and all will be well.
November 9th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Ah well thats what it reminded me of. I figured you’d found another picture, of something else. Though I can’t imagine that I’d often search for Black Hole Penis. I’m sure google loves you, lol
November 9th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
You’ll be hearing from my lawyer, David Wong. I expect compensation for the medical bills as well as my personal pain and suffering. Anal bleeding is not something to joke or laugh about, and I expect nothing but your deepest angst and apology.
November 10th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Pffffffft hehehehehe.
Anal bleeding.
November 10th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
What the fuck.
I don’t know how you fucking did this John, but we need to talk.
November 11th, 2008 at 2:00 am
I’m not sure. I don’t know. My head is kind of in and out. Ugh. I’ll call you when I’m more clear. So tired.
November 11th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
It mostly scared the crap out of me and made me think really hard. Also i have a terrible, memory, so when i forget things, I wonder if I’m just an ass or if they were wiped from existence…I do that with a lot of things I remember that then don’t exist that I never forgot in the first place as well.
Mostly scared me but couldn’t stop reading, and made sleeping whatever night I read it difficult.
The door knob turned into a flaccid penis. “We can’t go this way”
November 11th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Hey Jeff, do you remember not existing at all?
Dax, do I know you? Don’t lie. You’d totally go that way. But if I don’t actually know you, there’s a gay blond dude with a passion for quantum physics that shares your moniker.
November 12th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
The princess you are looking for is in another castle…although I do share his passion for quantum physics and am a little jealous of his blond hair.
I also will take this opportunity of ambiguously gayness to mention that the book makes me take notice of anything and everything I THINK I see out of the corner of my eye, only to look and see no one/nothing there.
This book makes life terrifying! BUT YOU MUST READ!
Also, that flaccid penis doorknob was part of the first part of the book, and what initially made me say…”What the fuck?” assume bad things, but continue reading…forget about it for a year and a half, stumble upon it like its something new again, read it again and realize i’ve read it again…wait a minute…
November 12th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Dax, did you fall between the cracks?
Gosh, that’s rather ambiguously gay too, isn’t it?
November 13th, 2008 at 4:22 am
I forgot my password, but I just remembered all twelve digits of random letters and numbers, and logged in.
Except I started to get a new password when I noticed I had 537 e-mails in my junk inbox (which is where all e-mail from this site are automatically filtered – go figure) about changing my password.
Thanks for the extras.
November 13th, 2008 at 10:08 am
My dog died. At the necroscopy the vet found several bundles of metal twine and no internal organs. A man from some agency mysteriously showed up and took the twine. Do you know which office I would file paperwork with to get them back? I mean, it is mine.
November 13th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Dawn, I’m more concerned about Dax forgetting and then stumbling upon a flaccid penis doorknob….again!
Some things are made, never to be forgotten.
DW..In between the flaccid penis and the firm Bratwurst, JDATE will never be forgotten.
November 13th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Ah, the firm Bratwurst of prophecy and conquest.
The appointment that “they” changed went swimmingly. There were three doctor chicks ogling my sniz at once with a microscope. Two of them were pretty hot.
Ok, off to church, bye!
November 14th, 2008 at 9:05 am
I’m not sure if there’s an internal twine collection agency you can contact, Geraldice. Most likely you’ve seen the last of that twine.
And did your appointment go swimmingly because of the three chicks or because you don’t have anythin abornomal to worry about?
November 14th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Both, actually. Well, I only have a 5% percent chance of something abnormal, but that’s 5%. That’s like how likely it is that Satan did not in fact invent those little red wax lips things I used to get every Halloween because that one neighbor refused to admit that wax lips are under no circumstance edible or tasty.
But mostly because of the chicks. One of them was actually a med student, learning the ropes of sniz procedure. And I mean…PORN STAR hot. The good kind of porn, you know, where the chick’s young and not too used up yet, and the production values are phenomenal. Like Hung Wankerstein. I guess the production values weren’t PHENOMENAL in that one…but you know…they had good sets and lighting.
November 14th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Fuck you, Dawn. Those wax lips are incredible. Anyone who says otherwise can fight me.
November 15th, 2008 at 7:32 am
I think I get your point. Pretty nice, I wouldn’t mind three girls or even one looking me over. That doesn’t seem to happen very much. Porn lies to you, you know. I mean, I’ve been waiting in my house forever for a busload of Cheerleaders from a local college to break down outside my house, and they need to use my phone. That hasn’t happened yet, I’m begining to think it’s because there’s no college nearby, or maybe the lack of busses that go down my street.
November 16th, 2008 at 1:21 am
Ok, Snake Face, let’s throw down.
I challenge you, to a battle…of knives.
You gotta fight for your liii-eee-ife! Knife fight! I’m crazy! Sunuvabitch, I’m gonna cut you!
Swish swish!
That’s right, Vohn_exel. You got my “point”.
Ummm. But seriously though. Just order a lot of pizza and hope the delivery boy is actually a busload of cheerleaders in a delivery boy suit.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:06 am
It’s the big day…well at least by my callendar. Lets hope we all don’t explode.
November 17th, 2008 at 7:59 am
I’ve finally got round to registering.
Your book has practically destroyed my life UUong.
The UU on my keyboard just stopped UUorking.
Coincidence that I’m on this site?
November 17th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
I don’t think there ARE any coincidences in this case.
November 17th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Chips, seriously, where did you find that picture? Or did you make it yourself? For those who haven’t thought to do so, open the picture KOOKRRO-1.jpg with WinRAR and there’s a bonus inside.
November 17th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Seriously. Heroes 360 can suck a dong. Wong is a genius. …and is it coincidence Wong rhymes with dong?
Tickles!
November 25th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Langton_Info, amazon.co.uk £480.34 + £2.75shipping
Couple of weeks ago that would be close to a thousand bucks USD – post-soy-inspired-credit-crisis a tad less…..even so: Puuuurlease. Whoever owns Langton should be ashamed… although not as much as the person who buys that copy of jdate ¬_¬
December 1st, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Ha! Don’t usually go in for all this ‘expanded universe’ stuff, but I’ve been reading the site for about six or seven hours now and I have to say- is a good time! Normally I do n’t have the patience, but seeing as I’m not slee ping anywy I t hought I’d give it a shot. I cn hear nois es comin g from th e ba by monito r that are n’t be ing ma de by my bab y.
December 7th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Damn, I read the book online and then checked my e-mail and it was full of penis enhancement spam. Oh yeah, and when I looked in the mirror afterward, I had boobs. Not fun at all, mixing signals like that.
December 26th, 2008 at 4:49 am
Well… I read this. I think. At least I like to think that I read it, as I have a vague memory of so doing, but I couldn’t give you any specifics as to… you know… anything at all that happened in it. Except that I think there was an exploding dog somewhere… or a dog that exploded in a non-exploding way, or perhaps in a not-permanently way, or possibly I’ve mixed you up with someone else. Which wouldn’t be altogether unusual. My memory is a bit like cheesecloth, you know, in that you try to sift out the bits you don’t want, but half of the important bits get washed away as well. Woebegone cries of “Where have I left my beverage?!” are common in my house. But!
But…
…the point is that I read this, or perhaps heard about it and imagined that I read it, sometime last year. And was much amused, actually. But then I do tell the locals that I’m going to split them open and garland the lampposts with their intestines, so my threshold for disturbing is higher than most. And I’m still very much alive, or at least corporeal enough to type on a keyboard, or if not that then I’m cognizant enough to possess some witless moron with fingers and internet access. And if I, already fundamentally… well, politely I think they say “a bit off”… can possibly-in-an-”I-must-have-repressed-the-memory”-sort-of-way read this and either not die or die and fail to notice, I think you’ll all be just fine, you blithering lumps.
December 26th, 2008 at 4:54 am
…coincidentally, I think you’ve infected my brain with your talk of penii in odd places. Slimfast advertisements… should not make me think of male sexual organs. Surely.
January 9th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
[...] Apparently my post from a couple of weeks ago trying to dispell their fears that my book was–what, haunted? Possessed?–actually made things worse. [...]
January 9th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
[...] was attached to an email a woman sent me shortly after the first update and she claimed it was the work of her autistic 10 year-old [...]
January 21st, 2009 at 4:02 pm
[...] By the way, if you’re new here, you may want to start from the beginning. [...]
February 11th, 2009 at 1:16 am
Nothing strange has happened to me since I read your book. However, after reading it, I had a revelation. Apparently I found the book… entertaining. Weird..
May 15th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
[...] Entry – Start From The Beginning [...]
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Is this an awakening or what?
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August 25th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
this is a fake. you are like that episode of South Park where that lawyer guy uses the chewbacca technique.
My head almost exploded seriously.
There is no book, the book is a lie!
and yes, I’m aware this post will not be approved.
dammit all. I don’t need to be part of this!
August 25th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/8394/Prince.jpg
Glad I came to this page early on. Do you, at any point, reveal that the
above ‘yellowed leaves’ photo is a photoshop job? I’d like to know before I read
any further. Thanks.
http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/8394/Prince.jpg
ht tp://userserve-ak.last.f m/serve/_/8394/Prince.jp g
August 25th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
http://img39.imageshack.us/img39/8978/facebushsm.jpg
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November 22nd, 2010 at 6:28 pm
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December 20th, 2010 at 5:07 pm
I read the book, so myself is included in the following statement, FYI.
I feel like a majority of the demographic of people who read this book are people on drugs or people who are looking to believe in this stuff. I mean its all about perception.. if you believe your book really bleeds then it probably will.
You mind is crazy. What is real and what’s not, and who’s to say?
I’m just saying the book isn’t going to ruin your life if you don’t let it.
April 28th, 2011 at 4:22 pm
dear David, i found out that you have to read every first comment that someone makes, so i just want to take this time to tell you that i love you
May 8th, 2011 at 4:23 am
Oh smurdoch, how naive you are…
In all seirousness, though, the book will probably steal a fair few number of hours from you at night, purely because of how creepy it can be. I know I kept checking my friends’ feet for pi symbols.
But it is fiction, and to the best of my knowledge, will not ultimately harm you. Your mind may hurt you, and your imagination may have been triggered through this book, but it’s not truly accountable.
April 6th, 2012 at 8:04 pm
Hey Dave. Thank my friend Jeff for showing me the expacious dickitude that is your book. Well done, sir. i believe that All of the words in your book Manifest themselves into their individual Horrors. am I crazy? I just heard your name on tv in the backgroUnd. now, you seem to have affected my life in someway, all othEr literatures are shit to me now. dave, THANKS. And if you understand what I really just said, find a way to contact me, I’d love to meet you, just use a door and not a sphere-portal.
-dylan