Dave here. Let’s catch up:
Q: When is the next novel in the John Dies at the End series coming?
Let’s say somebody paid you in advance for a 55 gallon drum full of your poop. How long would it take you to fill it up? I doubt you know. You could estimate, try to give them a deadline, but there are all these variables. Your diet, the weather (evaporation would reduce volume). How much of it the flies eat.
Writing is like that. How can you make promises about a function that is largely involuntary? You just poop as fast as you can.
Or, it’s kind of like watching the Dick Slangin’ video.
You know how long the video is, but you have no way of knowing how many times you’ll watch it. Ten? Twenty? You don’t control it. Once they start slangin’, you go into a trance and wake up hours later, a pair of long bruises on each side of your scrotum.
Writing is like that. For me, anyway. I set aside all last weekend to do nothing but write on the novel. I spent the entire weekend working out a single plot point, specifically, how John gets his car back in a certain scene where he needs his car (he loses it in the previous scene). It’s one sentence, but it took me two days to figure it out.
The good news is I’ve got a deadline; I signed a deal with St. Martin’s Press to dick slang/poop the sequel, and I am around page 70 at the moment (as I mentioned on Facebook the other day). It’d be great to have it out next year, since we have the paperback of JDatE coming out next month and then we could have the new hardback out a year after that. But even if a whole novel shot out of my ass tomorrow morning and I crammed it in the mail the day after, that doesn’t guarantee it’d be on shelves by a certain date. The publisher has their own schedule. Remember, it’s always in their interest to wait as long as possible to see if in the interim the author goes crazy and tries to shoot the Pope or something, which would obviously drive up buzz.
Q: Is the movie still coming?
Yes.
Q: I’ve never actually bought your book because I won’t pay more than $11 for entertainment. What can you do about that?
The paperback of John Dies at the End comes out September 14th, it’s only $10.11 at Amazon.
Q: Have you seen the new Dick Slangin’ video? It’s a bunch of guys demonstrating a new dance called dick slangin’. Are there plans to incorporate this into your next novel?”
I have, but let me watch it again:
The guy on the far left, in the gray shorts, you can really see his dick. I wonder how many dick slangin’ outfits he had to try on in front of the mirror before he found the perfect one. Maybe he has a wordpress blog where he keeps fans apprised of that kind of thing.
-DW
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