The Book
AVAILABLE NOW, WHEREVER BOOKS ARE SOLD:
It’s a drug that promises an out-of-body experience with each hit. On the street they call it Soy Sauce, and users can drift across time and dimensions. But some who come back are no longer human.
Suddenly a silent, otherworldly invasion is underway, and mankind needs a hero. What it gets instead is John and David, a pair of college dropouts who can barely hold down jobs.
Can these two stop the oncoming horror in time to save humanity?
No. No, they can’t.
______________________________
Here’s some background on the magical and mostly retarded tale of how this book came to be:
Around the turn of the century, while working in a cubicle at an insurance company I, David Wong, wrote a “fictional” story about my brush with the supernatural and posted it on the web.
Over the years word of mouth buzz drew in more than 70,000 readers.
Indie horror publisher Permuted Press put the tale into print…
… selling copies on Amazon and on the shelves of some Borders book stores.
Then Phantasm and Bubba Ho-Tep director/producer Don Coscarelli came calling and bought the film rights. Again, while I was still sitting in a small town, in a cubicle, typing up insurance claims for many hours a day.
Through sheer word of mouth, the Permuted print run was quickly sucked off the shelves by unsuspecting readers. Then megapublisher St. Martin’s Press came along–they’re the ones who own this building…
…and arranged to do a massive worldwide re-issue of the book in hardcover, in September of 2009.
In the mean time, I was hired as the Editor of Cracked.com, the humor site anyone can write for, that’s now doing about 80 million pageviews a month because hundreds of awesome people write there and I get to ride their coattails. They’ll figure it out eventually and I’ll be back in the cubicle in a year or so. So obviously it’s important that you buy a copy of the book so I can take the cash and run to Mexico before the world catches on.
Here’s all the stuff I’ve written elsewhere.
-DW
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October 25th, 2008 at 11:10 am
I was half-way through the online edition, passed out, and woke up here – what the hell is going on?
What day is it?
October 25th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Sometimes a little bit of blood leaks from the binding of my Permuted Press copy of JDATE. Is this going to be taken care of in the St. Martin’s release?
October 25th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Hopefully the St. Martin’s edition will have a leak-proof spine.
I don’t know if they’ll ever solve the noxious vapour problem, though.
October 25th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
I love reading this book, but I just wish it’d quit shrieking at me every time I pick it up.
I mean, it’s like a waking nightmare.
October 25th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
A good friend of mine was committed after reading this book. Like, she was a pretty normal, if a little uptight girl but then after she got through the online edition she became obsessed with shadow people. I kept trying to tell her that it was just a piece of fiction, but it completely overtook her life. She owned 3 copies of the book, including a first edition cafe-press, and I think all of them were signed by David Wong.
One day she just locked herself in her room and refused to come out. Her parents left her there for a while, figuring it was just teenage angst, but when she hadn’t come out by the next day they forced the lock. She’d passed out on the floor surrounded by drawings she’d mad of black shapes and photos with peoples faces blacked out in pen.
As much as I think this is a great book, and I’m sure it was purely coincidence that it triggered some sort of underlying psychosis, the whole thing still makes me really uneasy.
October 26th, 2008 at 11:41 am
I don’t know what you guys are complaining about- my copy of the book cooks me breakfast and tells me when there’s something caught in my teeth.
October 26th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Every time I open JDATE in public, I get an erection so massive that it causes the disintegration of reality leading to my pants being unable to retain molecular cohesion which results in my constant, accidental exposure to kids.
I trust this problem will be rectified for the new release.
October 26th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
EDIT: Okay the book wasn’t bleeding, I just blacked out and lost some time after reading it for a while. My Mom said the blood was on it after I wandered back home, but I’m not sure whose it is.
October 27th, 2008 at 7:21 am
I read JDATE and now there’s sperm on my face.
October 29th, 2008 at 6:32 am
I’m compelled to read the book once a month. I don’t want to, but if I go more than 30 days without reading it from cover to cover, an earsplitting screaming comes from nowhere and everywhere and won’t stop until I pick up the book again.
I’ve lost two jobs because of this. I got kicked out of my apartment. I don’t dare throw the book away. What if the screaming starts and never stops?
October 31st, 2008 at 6:30 pm
[...] The Book [...]
October 31st, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Did anyone else’s monitor start melting while they were reading the online version of the story?
And then after they stopped, was it whole again?
October 31st, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Mine usually just jumped straight to gay porn. I updated Firefox though, and after that it would just let loose with this unearthly wail while I was trying to read. Turning the speakers off didn’t do anything.
November 1st, 2008 at 1:46 am
The book scared the crap out of my neighbor who I loaned the book to, but my Dad really enjoyed the book’s crazy.
Will there be a hardcover edition when it’s put out by the new publisher?
I’m looking forward to the sequel, keep up the great work.
November 1st, 2008 at 4:00 am
Dave, are you reading this site? I need smokes. Call me.
November 1st, 2008 at 4:33 am
Wait, wait. So you’re saying I ordered a book thru’ my friend’s friend’s mother who bought it on Amazon and then brought it to the Czech Republic via an airplane to give it to me as soon as I paid her when I could’ve gotten it for free for being a whiny bitch?
Now that’s unfair…
November 1st, 2008 at 11:21 am
My JDATE copy dissapeared right around the time my dog died.
I’m not trying to say imply anything here, but I think the fucking dog ate my book.
November 1st, 2008 at 11:59 am
Me too.
But of graver concern is, what about those people who only read 4 chapters online, then stopped because they weren’t into the whole story to be honest, and just wanted to read it when they got around to it? What about those people? Now all of a sudden the story is becoming a big thing and they feel like shits for not finishing it earlier, because now they can’t brag about how they liked the story ‘before it became a mainstream hit’ and can’t say to their friends ‘oh yeah that book, yeah I read it way before everyone else even knew about it’.
Those people are being left out in the cold, Wong. It’s just not right.
And what is up with the Samsung 720N monitor? I keep having the brightness-adjustment-screen in my screen. The buttons are not responding. Anyone knows how to deal with that?
November 1st, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Thank you …. I absolutely love this book and will absolutely be watching the movie..no lie!!… Excellent writing skills there
November 2nd, 2008 at 1:19 am
Well, I got my book from Permuted Press, and all my friends who I let borrow it love it. Strange thing is that when it wasn’t in my possession, I would wake up from time to time because it felt like a dog was licking my hand. As soon as I was conscious, however, it stopped. My hand was still wet.
November 2nd, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Thinking back now, I cannot remember how I stumbled onto JDATE. A friend at work told me about the Video Game Manifesto, I researched that and found PWOT.
Then I remember waiting to come home from work s I could read more of JDATE, not wanting to look at the chapter titles so I wouldn’t know if it was about to end or not.
November 3rd, 2008 at 4:46 am
I’ll happily snatch a copy for myself. I was trying to do a translation of the book into Polish, but I have to start from scratch now if I’m going to have access to the revised edition. I’ve learned a lot while working on the free version, partly because that Cucumber thing was untranslatable, and partly because some passages didn’t make as much sense as I thought they would. What can you do…
I’ll try scanning the goddamn thing later when I get my hands on it.
November 3rd, 2008 at 2:29 pm
When I finished reading the book I had a strange tattoo on my foot, I lost track of a few hours and I can hear what animals are thinking. They all wan to eat me.
November 4th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Dear John,
I started reading your book before it was “cool” and “the in thing to do.” I also began bragging about how awesome it was and how it was available online for free. I did this for years- I’m not sure how long exactly but parakeet had time to finish a correspondance course and get his real-estate license in that time.
Anyways-back to the point- I finally hounded one of my friends into reading the book and sbe tells me its no longer online! Worse yet- it wont be until LATE 2009 when we can get a copy! Is there any way to purchase a copy before then?
I want to get it soon- my parakeet is trying to foreclose on the house and I don’t know how much longer I’ll have a physical mailing address.
November 4th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Why is this book so popular? Not a single person i know has ever even heard of this book before! I have, cause im a retarded 15 year old girl with nothing better to do, but i was genuinely surprised when not a single one of my nerdy friends knew about this shit. I tried to get this for christmas last year but it was totally sold out…it made me sad inside.
But now i really want an OLDER copy of the book, just to see if its possessed by some demon. Cuz if it is, then maybe the voices in my head would have something to play with. I’m sure i’d get a headache tho, so i think it’d be safer to just wait till the new releases come out. I swear tho, when it does, i am going to shove it down every one of my friends’ throats. that is, if by then i still have friends >< i doubt it.
Oh woe is me.
So whatever, I’ll wait for the edited version.
Much love from all my teenage hormones.
O.H.S.
November 6th, 2008 at 11:21 am
I still can’t get my friends to take a look at it. Maybe our friends are all just lazy, Arachno. Though they give me strange looks whenever I laugh.
November 6th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
i loved the book dude. but for some reason while reading it my dick fell off, should i be worried?? then it reattached itself grew 2 more and turned back into the original wierd huh??
November 7th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Well it’s always nice to have spares.
November 8th, 2008 at 4:03 am
My apartment was destroyed in a mysterious fire, and the only thing that survived without any harm was this book.
The shelf it was sitting on was charred to a crisp, and even the wood underneath where the book had been setting was blackened, but the book itself did not even have any soot on it. It looked just like it did the day I bought it.
November 9th, 2008 at 12:31 am
Hah!
November 14th, 2008 at 9:07 am
I think I’d wash my hands everytime I touched that lightswitch.
November 15th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Found your book at Amazon today, and they want $180 dollars for it, even though it’s not even in stock. What’s it made out of, bloody baby seal skins or something?
Loved the book while it was on-line, looking forward to finding it in print. Although at that price, some people may have to disappear first for me to be able to afford it…
November 17th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Dawn…..Fucking. Saved.
November 17th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Gives new meaning to turning a guy on, doesn’t it?
November 18th, 2008 at 7:37 am
Called to schedule classes today, and while listening to the cheery, vomit inducing “On Hold Music”, I swore I heard a tortured voice screaming in the background “A Light! A Light Cream!”. I dunno what it means, but I am inclined to say that this book is responsible for it.
November 27th, 2008 at 5:30 am
Uh, hey. Guys? Is it normal to start seeing a spider the size of a cat hanging around my copy of the book? And why is it dragging a foot-long erection behind it? I only ask because my wife is now pregnant and having strange cravings for liquified insect organs.
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:23 am
I’m sure those are difficult to come by.
December 8th, 2008 at 7:58 am
God damn… A friend borrowed my copy and discussing the book with her made me want to re-read it as well, and now I can’t. Great to hear about the re-release though! I’ll get me one of those copies as well. Looking forward to the sequel too, keep up the good works.
December 13th, 2008 at 12:50 am
a friend told me to buy the book. she’s always been reliable. i saw how much the book was going for, and bought one at around 60 dollars. i can’t believe people bitched about 15. get a job. it was worth it.
December 20th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Hey…So I really really want a copy of the book. But goddammit, it’s nowhere to be found. If anyone can like…link me to a place or tell me where to find it, PLEASE help me and e-mail me at fadingdeadstar@gmail.com. Thanks guys.
December 31st, 2008 at 1:11 am
Hey i don’t know if this is okay but i knew you’d take the book down, ha i really appreciate the imagination what went into this book, we need more like this that take you out of this world while you’re still there, but cmon people it is just a story all be it a awesome one, keep it up and i copied the story i got it on my comp is that okay?
January 1st, 2009 at 6:01 am
I hate that there’s a wait untill it comes out.. I’ve been wanting to show soooo many people the story but it was taken down.. gah
I cant fricken wait to read it again
January 2nd, 2009 at 11:01 am
AndreDC – it’s fine as long as you email it to me…
January 6th, 2009 at 3:24 am
when is the next book supposed to come out?
January 21st, 2009 at 5:24 pm
so yeah.Its 200 dollars for the book on amazon right now. I really need a copy but I dont have that money is there any way i can get a copy for less.
email me at
why-do-we-build-castles-in-the-sky@hotmail.com
January 22nd, 2009 at 10:02 pm
[...] http://www.johndiesattheend.com/updates/?page_id=10 have you guys heard of this? ead the comments too! « előző | következő » demet — 2009. 01. 23. 02:47 [...]
January 24th, 2009 at 4:27 am
[...] suggesting you find a cult novel called, John Dies at the End. I just went to Amazon and found out that the “used” copies are for sale around [...]
January 24th, 2009 at 7:13 am
I sent my uncle the link when it was still active… it cured his erectile problems.
He said he’s never been so freaked out in his life, he even lost the erection he’s had for the last 13 years.
He declined posing for a pic, so… you will have to take my word for it.
This story should be standard in all hospitals for all those dicks that inject their cocks with coke. It might just save a boner for another day.
February 11th, 2009 at 4:15 am
If this does turn out to be a book of major significance in the near future, I’m gonna end being one of the smucks that got the second edition. Crap…
March 14th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
[...] horror comedy, john dies at the end, penis | by crazybengal I will be able to get a hard copy of John Dies At The End by David Wong!! Gah!! How long will I have to wait?? Don’t know. Word of advice for [...]
March 29th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
I still have the old version of the book. the blue one.
April 1st, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Hey, is there some type of order waiting list? That would be f-in amazing .. a release date would also be amazing
April 11th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Silly complainy people need to get a job and rightfully buy your book. I am, for one, totally stoked to be able to purchase a copy when it comes back out later this year.
My only beef would ever have been that I did search for it through a book store, they could order a copy, and my total would have been like.. 250 dollars? It was nuts. If I had 250 dollars to spare, I would certainly blow it on your book. But, at the time… my jaw hit the floor. 17.00, though, would be easy as pie.
Can’t wait to see the movie. I read the entire first book online. It was hard to read on the ‘puter, but it was even harder to do other things. Especially while I was reading at work. Heh. Hoorah!
April 26th, 2009 at 12:29 am
I just went to amazon.com to order your book. And , as i just read above.. the book was out of stock, but i could pre order for 200 bucks. I would like to read your book, maybe if you could have a Kindle version made for a 95 percent discount, I would definitely order it.
June 6th, 2009 at 3:57 am
I read JDatE years ago– had to be early 05 or late 04, since I was fired from that job on the Ides of March 05. Just went looking for it again recently to recommend it to a friend and found all this.
Holy crap! I’m so proud of you, Wong!! I’m buying four copies as soon as availability allows.
Will the book have the same entheogenic properties as the original web version, or will I have to supplement it with ritual action?
June 24th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
Just thought I’d drop in to say that if you don’t want to pay $200 for this book (even though it’s totally worth it), the hardcover version on Amazon is only $16.49.
(I laughed.)
July 15th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Digg it.
http://digg.com/odd_stuff/John_Dies_at_the_End_by_David_Wong
October 6th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
The end is nigh.
Where’s my book David? The coming apocolypse is bound to be soon…
Eye.
Serve.
None.
But.
Kor’rok.