David Wong
David Wong first appeared on the scene in 1999, publishing a website full of his, uh, unique and mostly unsettling work at the appropriately named PointlessWasteOfTime.com.
In 2007 he became the Editor of Cracked.com. Before the novel John Dies at the End came along, he was most famous for writing an essay called Inside the Monkeysphere.
Other stuff of his people have found worth reading:
5 Scientific Reasons A Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen
6 Brainwashing Techniques They’re Using On You Right Now
10 Ways Online Gaming Will Change the Future
7 Reasons the 21st Century is Making You Miserable
5 Things You Think Will Make You Happy, But Won’t
10 Things Christians and Atheists Can Agree On.
The Next 25 Years of Video Games
A list of David’s other articles can be found here.
It is rumored that “David Wong” is just a pseudonym for Illinois native Jason Pargin. This has never been confirmed, mainly due to a complete lack of curiosity on the subject by the public as a whole.
If you want to keep up with the latest news and stuff, including the release of the David’s novel John Dies at the End and the motion picture of the same name, Join us on Facebook or if not you can Join the Google group or befriend us on MySpace or follow us on Twitter or this site has an RSS feed.
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October 26th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
David, I left you a voicemail last night regarding the creature in my guest bathroom. I did what you said and “left the fucker alone”, but it’s been a week and my mother in law is coming next week. Could you call me back? Thanks.
October 29th, 2008 at 6:34 am
I heard even the Jason Pargin thing is a pseudonym, and that his parents never named him, because how can you name a child born with a full and bushy beard?
October 31st, 2008 at 8:39 pm
I heard his face isn’t really as blurry as it looks in that picture.
November 1st, 2008 at 12:26 am
Shit was soooo cash.
November 1st, 2008 at 3:57 am
Dave, it’s John. From the site. I’m drunk as fuck, and I can’t drive down to the gas station to get cigarettes because I have no gas and no car to put gas in. And no money because I’m broke. I spent it all on beer. When you come over, bring me some smokes and a few bucks so I can buy more beer. And bring some more beer, too.
November 1st, 2008 at 5:10 pm
With an awsome last name like Pargin you shouldn’t have changed it. It’s strong and manly and kind of sounds like a fancy cooked duck.
November 2nd, 2008 at 12:54 am
Since when is “fancy cooked duck” manly?
Try womanly and Asian, which is great when you’re talking about hot Asian-woman porn, but not when you’re talking about the rumored pseudonym of the new Karl Marx.
This is your Communist Manifesto, man.
November 2nd, 2008 at 6:38 am
It’s not, but it’s just another positive reason. Wouldn’t YOU like a name that sounded like a fancy cooked duck?
November 4th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
In Czech Jason Pargin means “wry-mouthed Luddite”, or… depending on inflection… “brimstone goat-hoof”. This truly is either his Communist Manifesto or his Call of Cthulu.
November 6th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Or maybe he wanted a name that sounded like a duck :p A fancy, cooked duck, mind you.
November 6th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
lol thats not david wong… hes black and is now president. its all just propoganda for campaign controbutions. LOL j/k but seriously i think im gonna die now that u all know the secret
November 8th, 2008 at 4:07 am
I hear that if you go into a bathroom at 3 AM all alone, turn off the lights, close the door, stare into the mirror, and say “David Wong” 3 times, you’ll be anally raped.
November 8th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
What a retarded thing to do, Wong. You KNOW the only people who are going to try the bathroom thing are the people who will like it.
Wait, that’s what you’re going for, isn’t it?
…you sick fuck.
February 1st, 2009 at 11:24 am
Dear sir,
I have found another picture of the gentleman who you were told died in a fire. I saved the picture to my desktop but was unable to find the original website I found it on. Here is a link to where I am hosting it. http://www.nickhudsonsbrain.com/Nick_Hudson/Pictures.html#0
Hope this helps with your search for the truth.
Nic Demus
March 5th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Damn it, Wong.
Mensa claims I’m a genius — the fools! — and Gothulhu knows I’m horsed up to my titties on Prozac and spend most of my time hiding in my apartment being miserable and thinking about all the fun things I could be up to if the damn herd didn’t do my head in so badly. I didn’t just comprehensively fail your Porn addiction test, I then went out and trawled the net for pictures of that girl and her sister — and then discovered that I’d already downloaded a set two years ago. Your video game manifesto made me want to weep tears of kitten-fluff and angels, and Bryan Singer’s Snow Crash movie haunts my dreams.
And now this.
What are you trying to _do_ to me, man?
March 2nd, 2010 at 11:30 am
[...] Afterword is interesting. David Wong is the editor of Cracked.com. John Dies @ the End started off as an online story about two [...]
January 15th, 2011 at 5:18 am
Dear Mr. Wong,
my whole life i’ve been having these fucked up dreams about everyone i know dying my latest one was with my niece eating my brother and him kicking me down the stairs so what the fuck do i do besides live in the looney bin and Mr. cheese your halarious.
February 3rd, 2011 at 9:47 am
Dear Mr. Wong,
I am coming for you and this universe.
Regards, Korrok.
April 17th, 2011 at 7:43 pm
Dear Mr. Wong,
I’m pretty sure there’s a leopard with the head of the nephew I never had in my bathroon. Do you have any advice?
Regards, A Terrified Reader
April 17th, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Dear Mr. Wong,
I clearly can’t spell bathroom, I will allow the leopard-nephew to devour me.
Thankyou for the advice i’m sure that I will recieve at some point
September 27th, 2011 at 7:17 pm
Mr. Wong –
It’s been about a month since I’ve thrown away my junk mail; it’s just been sitting in a stack in my living room. All of the junk mail newsletters apparently became sentient. They seem to have formed the outer shell of some type of quadruped. Oh, and it absorbed some week-old General Tso’s chicken, which apparently it decided to use as a snout.
This thing hasn’t posed much of a problem… I’ve actually managed to teach it to sit and roll over… but this seems like some sort of temporal distortion that won’t get any better without some type of intervention. Any suggestions?
Your #1 fan,
Leonard
September 27th, 2011 at 7:58 pm
Mr. Wong –
Damn, the newspaper-dog tried to kill my cats. I had to beat it to a pulp with a drumstick I have for my Rock Band drumset. Inside the newspaper shell, there were a bunch of organs… they weren’t connected by any type of skeleton. Just a bunch of organs.
I knew I shouldn’t have let the damn thing outside to pee. Probably bits of squirrels and stray cats.
So anyway, now, when I boot up my computer, it goes straight to a Matrix-ish screen of code, and occasionally I can make out “Korrok.”
Same with my Xbox.
Then it works just fine. The weird thing is, since I killed the newspaper-dog, my electronics seem to have a mind of their own. I’ll be in the middle of a match in Halo, and my character will walk out into crossfire without me doing anything. I die
I
DIE
DIE 4
DIE FOR
DIE FOR KORROK
KORROK
KORROK
Your #1 fan,
Leonard
October 7th, 2011 at 6:07 pm
Dave, you have clearly fucked the universe with your wonderfully written dick bible. I’m typing this from work. I think I overdosed on reading the book. My computer mouse here is squeaking and has grown whiskers. There is also for some reason a sausage shaped pillow thing next to the monitor. Now my actual work (regarding medical charts) is mocking me! Every patient name just says “KORROKKORROKKORROK” etc until there’s no more space for more characters. And every chart says “Patient has no face”.
Shit I think they saw me. Shadows dashing around in the corner of my eyesight. Damn it man how do you fight them?!
Now it seems that I should eat the sausage pillow thing.
January 30th, 2012 at 1:56 am
After doing a little research, I found out that I grew up in [undisclosed city] or a reasonable facsimile. Does this mean I’m fucked, or just that I’m better off not reproducing?